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Don't Waste Your Crisis
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Blog 7-25-08I heard a great line recently that I repeated to myself often this week when things in my life were being re-arranged without my permission! The quote was something like “a crisis is a terrible opportunity to waste.”Now, in reality, my week didn’t qualify as a real crisis, just a lot of change at once that left me feeling disorganized. Real crisis doesn’t come along all the time, thankfully, but when it does, the only way to get through it sometimes I’ve noticed, is to sort of let go and let ourselves be propelled to a new place, a different land -one you most definitely wouldn’t have chosen to visit, but once you have landed there you found new opportunities, met new people, discovered new parts of yourself or found a way to forge something new out of your pain that helped other people. Crisis scrambles our brains and emotions and forces us to eventually to move in new directions. It forces us out of our ruts and makes us have to put things back together in a new way. Its forces us to stop and reevaluate. We all do this briefly every first of the year, but with nothing propelling us to change but a date on the calendar, we easily slip back into familiar ways. Crisis gives us not just a chance, but a mandate. It takes away our option of continuing on in the same way. That’s why it’s so terrifying- it takes away our control (or our illusion of control )I am not recommending crisis, but I am predicting it will happen at some time. With ADD, you might have mini crises more frequently. Maybe you are prone to things falling apart when you lose structure or lose support. Remember, if you persevere, get support, and learn to say new things to yourself like I did this week, you can begin to view the mini as well as the inevitable large crises we will all encounter during our lives, from a new perspective. It can help to remind yourself that when you get through this you will have made a leap or a taken even a small step in a new direction, that this experience may require all your courage and perseverance, and that in the end it may bring out the best in you even when you are going through the worse.I see amazing people every day in counseling, and I see them over the course of time, so I have witnessed the courage, resilience, and creativity of adults with ADD. I am inspired by their ability to persevere, to change course, to battle terrible small and large crises, inner and outer obstacles, and keep on growing- letting the struggle carry them to places they never imagined they would arrive at-worn and weary from the battle often, but stronger and wiser and ready for the next challenge.
I actually feel I am having a personal crisis for a few weeks now. I went to see my GYN who until see my psychatrist put me back on my Ritalin and Welbutrin because of how stressed and unfocused I feel. I called in sick this weekend so the meds have time to kick in ; and I'm not sure how to explain this to my boss since she has been writing people up for using their sick time ; and I could be suspened ; I however didn't feel I had any other choice because the way I was going the damage I was to doing to myself and possible couild have hurt an patient.I recently feel so disorganized , easily irritated; and very moody, as well unable to remember the simplest of directions. I am usually pretty with good with change ; but so much is happening at work, home I don't know if I can deal with it all at times ; and have been feeling depressed because of the insecurity it is bringing. I am trying my best to be open and have an appointment with my counselor on Tuesday and a psychiatrist appointment oon August 18 (the soonest I could get). Any advice how to make the boss aware;because when she asked me why I have been so quite I did say I wasn't feeling well; but it didn't change anything at the time. Any advice would be welcomed.
Dear Witch:
Looks like you have taken some good steps to hook up with therapist, psychiatrist and resuming meds AND posting here.
When we have AD/HD we can really get on a hamster wheel of rumination, trying to figure out the "why" - often to unanswerable questions. I know I have to watch that and I have learned to distract myself and LIMIT WORRY TIME so I can leave the "slough of despond" more easily.
Really important to find even 15-20 minutes daily, even more than 1x IF you can, to walk and look around the world, noticing the beauty and GETTING OUT OF YOUR HEAD. This also, as you probably know, helps the stress neurochemicals quiet down. Sometimes that is ALL I can do because I am feeling so overwhelmed and I usually feel better even though the feeling I am having is like a wounded deer wanting to just curl up as small as possible and have the world go away or wake up with magic that the crisis is resolved. Sometimes, very very wise NOT to pay attention to feelings because they are not always FACTS, often they are old tapes playing.
Good luck. As a friend of mine says: "Been there. Got the t-shirt!"
Alisa
There are many and ancient ways to discuss change such as: "When one door closes, another is opened." What we know from brain studies is that when our brains are challenged, our neurons are refreshed, some new ones are created. The "spark" of change forced or chosen, causes us to make adjustments, figure out new strategies, and perhaps grieve the past and let go so we can move forward to our new future.
Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, one of my life's most wise philosophers and mentors used to shake things up for those of us meditating sometimes for months in one location in Europe by having us and others move with about two hours notice. It would be announced that we'd be moving on buses from Lake Lucern Switzerland in various hotels to Vitell, France by nightfall!
Once, when he chose some of us to stay on for an additional 6 months of intensive meditaion and Vedic study with him, he moved we single men into a hotel where the audio visual people had been setup and comfortable for at least 2 years! Everyone had to adjust and there was a lot of grumbling, but Maharish just laughed his usual laugh at all the comotion we were making over changes in the relative world; which is always changing no matter how hard we try to keep things the same.
Change is challenging and builds flexibility and tolerance as well as those new neurons and pathways in the brain. Like it or not, change is healthy for us as humans with our genes for migrating and adjusting throughout our lifetime. John Ratey made this point very strongly in Minneapolis two weeks ago at ADDA.
It's so good to hear about Sari's acceptance and ackknowlegement of the necessity of change as well reassure us of it's beneficial side effects.
For everyone in transition: take Sari's advice and make what we percieve as lemons into lemonade. We only advance by finding our way through new challenges and discoverys. Studies on many animals have shown that a totally predictable and safe life shortens life, limits intelligence, brings disease with it and is generally unhealty.
If one's goal for life is to find a comfortable safe place and hold on tightly and never letting go, then that life will be limited and stressful from trying to avoid the inevitible changes and the negative effects of fighting, denying, and resenting it uselessly.
Glen Hogard, SCAC, ACO co-founder, going live in about 2 weeks(?) with www.adhdworld.net to link the world's ADHD experts and help people find resources no matter where they live.
Would you share some of the new comments you changed this week if it is not too much trouble? Donna GD
Which comments are you referring to?
Thanks for the clarificaiton.
I want to thank all of you who have commented and I am especially grateful that you are helping each other!
Sari
It sounds like something I need to do a better job of practicing. I have been in crisis mode since fall of 2007. I moved to DC to start a PhD program. Trying to be a high performing student after nearly a decade away from academia was hard enough, but trying to secure services to help me successfully manage the ADD was just as difficult. I returned to the Ann Arbor area in the summer of 2008, having lost my fellowship and with my dream once again on hold. Now I'm trying to make sense of everything that happened and work my way back to grab another chance at a PhD program. It's certainly not easy and I have no idea how to preceed. I can say, however, that instead of managing this crisis, the crisis has in fact managed me, and quite effectively might I add.
