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“Staying away from pain will hold you back at some point. Dealing with it too early will overwhelm you, but at the right point in your journey you must confront these feelings and find a way to satisfy your longings. Let them inspire and drive you. The more you listen to them, the more you’ll hear the quiet sounds and muffled voice become louder, letting you know that you're in their somewhere and trying to get out.”Page 124 of Journeys through ADDuthood (copyright 2002 SSolden)August 4, 2008 noteIf you continue to just push the pain away, push it down, you will at some point feel overwhelmed by the very feelings you were trying to avoid. At the right time in your journey, after diagnosis, when you have support, connection, and a safe place to share (even if it’s just in private, quiet time with yourself), you may want to take the chance, take the time, to look at and confront the loss of earlier dreams that didn’t materialize or the pain of not being able to express who you are to the world- to be recognized, to become visible. Instead of running away from the pain or loss, let it guide you toward what you want, let it speak to you about what is important to you. I know “you are in there somewhere”-let’s hear from you about what you know you have inside to give to the world. What’s unique about you that you can develop instead of hide?
I think it is helpful and sometimes easier to actually talk to someone about these "pains" or losses. It can be a therapist, but can also be a close friend or spouse. What could be helpful, Sari, if you could give us some tools to do this with a friend. Is there a series of questions we could ask? Maybe even questions for ourselves that we could write in a journal to ourselves.
Trying to figure out "what I know I have inside to give the world" is the exact question floating around in my mind ever since the conference in Minneapolis. Trying to fan little flames of insight into a clear pasionate answer. We need Sari's top ten list of "Good questions to prompt inner purpose "AHA!" moments!"
And...How can I/we use a trusted friend or partner who knows us well, to learn more about our strengths if we aren't seeing them?
This message came at the perfect time for me.
I have spent a lifetime of bottling up the pain and trying to avoid it, and it is true that the feelings do not just disappear by being ignored.
It never seemed to be the right time to "deal with" my old issues, since everyday life was stressful enough and I was afraid that to deal with the issues at all would cause such an upheaval that I would be unable to function.
But actually, for me, I am finding that it is harder to function with so much hidden and bound up inside of me--a tangled mess of emotions somewhat like an ingrown hair! It just has to come out, somehow. (I hope that is not gross!)
You are right, Sari, about becoming overwhelmed by the very feelings one is trying to avoid. At this point, I am dealing with that and, having bottled things up previously, it is now more difficult to separate the emotions from what may be the truth behind them. But, paradoxically, it is starting to seem a little easier to pay attention to the emotions than to bottle them up. Although it's painful, it is less stressful, and it is refreshingly real.
you know you talk about the pain of the past helping us face the future. but i'm glad that we have that info so we can feel like it's not just me in the world. it's a metaphor when it's proporatational to you're fish tank. it's helping me alot not bet myself up for thinking such as why aren't i employeed in a carrer by now after being a college graduate. it's helped me alivate some gulty feelings of not being a normal person. and it's ok for me right. is it where i would like to be not exaclty job wise but i would like to know that will come to pass soon.
