Down to Earth

4-22-09

Down to Earth

Well, its Earth Day and so what better a time could there be to get grounded, to become rooted in the way the earth( the world, life) operates and to get in sync with it instead of fighting against it all the time.

So on this Earth Day, I want to talk about understanding the nature of life with ADD- accepting life with the struggle, instead of spending our time trying to reinvent the reality of our lives.

Wishing it away, waiting for it to go away, waiting for our brains to change, for our piles to disappear.

I talk about self- acceptance a great deal and the importance of seeing ourselves as whole instead of living in shame. But I realize there is another kind of acceptance we need to come to terms with. This is about accepting the struggle itself and to use that reality as firm ground upon which to build a meaningful life. I have tried lately to take a terra firma look at life with ADD and say to myself that even with all the support, strategies, and medication, for the rest of my life I am most likely going to struggle with disorganization.

It is my particular package, the hand I was dealt. It is just a fact of my life that from time to time, on a beautiful Saturday afternoon, while others are out at a park or at the beach, I will be carrying bags of paper from one room to another, spending a few hours of the day trying to sort them and figure out where they should go. It is the reality of my life that I will always have this extra burden to deal with. It is frustrating and it can be exhausting, but as long as I don’t get stuck insisting that this reality must not be reality, as long as I continue to move in the direction of my values and strengths instead of making this task the center and measure of my life, then I can accept this as a necessary and unpleasant chore, a burden that I pick up and carry with me as I lead my life,

I recently read that acceptance literally means to  “take what is offered.” I take freely the good things I have in life, so I am working toward accepting struggle as another natural part of life.

The struggle I have been “offered” is disorganization. Others have chronic health problems or a mentally ill relative to care for,  a  disabled child or a spouse who leaves unexpectedly. Everyone has, or will have, some kind of burden to pick up and carry with them as they go about the business of creating a life that is meaningful to them.

Each life has struggle in it and fighting it just makes it worse- like when you try and escape from those colorful Chinese finger pulls we used to play with as kids. The harder you fought, the more you were stuck.  But if you relaxed, you could be free.

Of course, all of this is difficult to remember when  you are standing in the middle of your kitchen, frozen - dirty dishes all around you, family demanding things of you, pulled in a thousand directions, not knowing where to turn first- -ADD in full bloom!

But last night, something different happened as I considered these ideas I am writing today.

Last night, I stood in the middle of the kitchen, surrounded by tasks I couldn’t figure how to do and stuff I couldn’t figure out what to do with, and instead of ranting and raving about how unfair it all is or pushing everyone away so I could be swept away by all the pressures beckoning to me….instead, last night, I just stood there.. and on the eve of this glorious day dedicated to the earth, I remember I am on this earth with lots of people I love.

 I let the chaos reign down upon me. I relaxed, took it in, and remembered  this is the nature of life. Like in a beautiful rain shower that I knew would soon pass, I didn’t run for cover. Instead, I just stood there and soaked it in. Ironically, I discovered that in that moment, I felt closer to the actual rhythm of the world, to nature, to the earth.

I began to laugh.  I stood in the kitchen with my daughter and husband, spilling things and laughing at myself as well as at  the absurdity of reality.  And then, we all laughed together.

I felt the chaos, I felt the struggle, but mostly, I felt the love. I was taking all that was offered me.( i.e. acceptance) Happy Earth Day to all of you.
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